Can I finally come out of my country closet?

“Puttin’ on a cowboy hat & a pair of boots doesn’t make you country; Like puttin’ on a ball gown & glass heels won’t make me Cinderella.” Kellie Elmore

Well I am now an Albertan. For those you who perhaps are not familiar with Alberta, Alberta is the Texas of Canada. It is comprised of stetsons, cowboys, cowgirls, country music, cows, bulls, rodeos, country music, oil, gas and some pretty amazing scenery. So you will understand why I make the comparison. Calgary one of the two major cities in the province is well know among Canadians as "Cowtown" and Edmonton, the capital city, is known as "Edmonchuck". Alberta's beef is some of the best in the world (if not the best - I am biased of course) and every July people come from all over the world to attend the Calgary Stampede. So now that I am an Albertan does this mean I can actually come out of the closet? The country lover's closet that it. I think the answer is yes. 

I never really thought I was that much into all that we associate with "country" cows, cowboys, country music etc. Over the years I have lived on and visited working ranches and farms though for only short periods of time. I love beef mmm steak and prime rib (sorry I digress) but was I ready to declare my love for all things country? I guess the answer is yes. Despite my short stays on working ranches and farms I learned to love that lifestyle and to know that I am into country...so there.

Just so you think I am serious. I tended bar two weeks ago for the local Agricultural Society's Dance portion of a large fundraiser. This was a full on country event complete with rodeo, dinner and then a dance. The dance had a live band playing...of course country cover songs and I can say that other than a rodeo I have never seen so many cowboy boots, Stetsons and "blinged" out ladies jeans...it was exactly what you would think it would be and it was awesome! I really enjoyed myself and realized I dig this kind town and I think living here will be fun. So there I have declared myself a bit of a country girl at heart. I will no longer be keeping my love for Merle Haggard, George Straight, Willie Nelson and many others secret. So now that I am in living in Canada's "cowboy" province I am embracing it... That's right I will be wearing my cowboy boots to work and around town. As the quote above states this will not make me country but at least I can give it a try - wish me luck oh and maybe the next time you see me I will be carrying a lasso and rocking a Stetson.

New Job

"It's not what you achieve, it's what you overcome. That's what defines your career."- Carlton Fisk 

As many of you know I recently moved. I moved for a job which over what seems like the last 15 years or so is my only reason for moving other than the 3 years I spent in grad school oh and the Debacle of 2006 (that's another story). I am happy to report that I feel and hope that this is the last move I make for quite some time...fingers crossed. 

This time I moved for a permanent full time job - yes I feel like an adult...finally well not really but lets keep that a secret. The thing is it still doesn't feel real. After I accepted the job I still felt like my new employer had perhaps been mistaken. I mean at the age of 40 and after all my years of working I still felt somewhat unprepared for this new job. It was just a mental thing - I mean how could I not be prepared for this job - its what I have been preparing and hoping for at least the last 10 + years and it finally arrived.

I had fixed feelings about leaving behind my old job. I worked with amazing people and it was hard to leave a job I enjoyed with great people behind for something unknown. This may seem a little strange coming from me because let's face I have spent my entire adult life moving from one place to another and moving from one job to another. However, I still felt like I was going to get a phone call saying sorry we made a mistake. So one night before I left my last job I told my supervisor I think my new boss may have made a mistake in choosing me - do you think I am ready for this? His response was great and very real - no one is ever prepared for this job but you'll do fine. Words of wisdom from someone who I really respect and feel incredibly lucky to have worked for. It was these words that made me realize that it wasn't just me who feels this way. All of us or at least most of us feel this way when we get a new job or the job we have been pursuing is finally achieved...after the elation has worn off that is. It's the self doubt of whether we truly feel prepared for this next step in our life and career. Are we truly ready for the adventure we have been waiting forever to actually happen?

Well the answer is yes with a side of don't let them think you are not! HaHa. When I arrived at my new job and saw I actually had an office with 4 real walls not cubicle walls I thought wow I guess its too late to run away now! Just kidding it was actually a pretty good feeling.  It felt like I had finally arrived at my career destination...a place I have been searching for, for quite a while. In addition to the new job, fancy  title and office I have great coworkers/staff. So although I miss all those great people I left behind I feel fortunate to have some pretty great people at my new job and this makes all the difference in the world. I guess what I am saying is that I finally feel prepared for this new adventure.

Divorce

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table. ~ Jean Kerr

 

Over the years I have often wondered “can you divorce your friend”? Sometimes we have a friend or friends that just don’t seem to live up to our expectations or even enter the realm of what we constitute  a friendship. I am pretty sure we all have at least one friend that this pertains too. I know I am not alone in feeling this way - a few years ago one my friends asked me this very question. My answer, I think you can but I have no idea how one went about it.

Over the years some friends haven’t exactly embraced the term friend or at least my definition of it.  I always thought that most people understood what it meant to be your friend, but over the years that I have discovered there is more to being friends than sharing crayons.  I know we are all busy with work and families etc but I still think it’s important to share things, big things, life changing things and celebratory events with our friends even if it’s just through an email or on facebook (not really my favorite medium but hey whatever works). I mean isn’t getting married, getting a great new job, or having a baby an event worthy of sharing with your “friends”? I always thought so but lately I think for some people they live in such a bubble they forget about people outside the bubble. These people don’t even realize that they are on the inside of the bubble leaving their friends on the outside, maybe they do and they just don’t care. It makes me ask Do I need to have a friend contract? You know like a per-nuptial agreement or a co-habitation agreement? Do we have some kind of friend-commitment ceremony?  I hope not friends are important, life without them would be pretty boring and unfulfilling.

I know that this topic of divorcing friends seems a bit strange but I think we all have one person whom this applies to. I do. I have tried unsuccessfully over the years to divorce a friend of mine. I say unsuccessfully because each time I think the divorce is official and we have both accepted the fate of our friendship something happens to sort of kill the divorce proceedings...I think the question I need to ask them is “What do they consider a friend”. Perhaps I don’t really want to know what the answer is because I don’t want to really know if it’s that easy to divorce your friend(s).

So back to my question “can you divorce your friend”? If the answer is yes how is this accomplished? Is there some kind of friend therapy out there? Can I search the internet and find a legal separation document for friend divorce? The answer appears to be no – I checked.  However, I did find a website pertaining to divorcing friends; it provided me with 15 basic how-to-steps. The end result is that I will be “liberated”. Hmm... part of me thinks this is total BS. Sorry but seriously I don’t think it’s that easy. And for me personally to feel liberated I need more than just advise to “let them go”...but then again maybe not.  

Moving Part Dos

"There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the house next door, and it was very similar." – Geoffrey Parfitt

Moving to....Alberta. I can now officially say I have lived in 4 provinces. By that I mean I have held a driver’s license and had a physical address in 4 different provinces, BC, Saskatchewan, Ontario and now Alberta. Each time I move I am reminded of how the different provinces and regions across Canada are. When I first moved to Ontario I entered the province via Freeway 75 from Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan crossing over the River on a large bridge. It was December so to be fair it was rather a white and cold entrance. What I learned was that compared to US freeways and highways Ontario particularly the northern highways lack restrooms for travelers. You are pretty much relegated to stopping at Tim Horton’s to use the bathroom and then feeling guilty buy something for using the bathroom never really ending the circle until you reach your destination. At one point I actually made my Dad stop on the side of the highway while I peed all in the full blinding light of oncoming traffic...but not just regular traffic – tractor trailer traffic. To this day I am not sure if my white ass blended with the snow or was even seen...no matter I and my bladder were equally relieved. Highway 11 was desolate in the winter a two lane highway that skirts many lakes and rivers including one made famous by Neil Young, Blind River. So my introduction to Ontario was scarcely populated areas, lots of water - in various forms, lonely windy highways, trees trees and more trees and well established Italian communities. I was once told that if your name didn’t end in a vowel it was highly unlikely you would be successful in business in Northern Ontario.

I bring up my move to Ontario because it was my last move before I traversed the country again and moved to Alberta. The last three years I have moved from BC Ontario and then from Ontario to Alberta. This time I arrived via plane – which honestly is a much faster and more enjoyable way to move if you are moving 1000’s of kilometers rather than just a couple hundred. Upon my arrival in Alberta (Edmonton) I was quickly made aware of several things 1) this is definitely oil & gas country 2) people who live and come here to visit  are avid hunters and fishermen 3) there are liquor stores everywhere...everywhere 4) the unofficial provincial symbol is a large 4 x 4 truck  5) Hooters (the restaurant) definitely has a presence 6) the West Edmonton Mall is still very much a destination and 7) there is no shortage of country radio stations to choose from. I had arrived! Next step final destination...small town on the border between Alberta and Saskatchewan. I opted to take a 4 hour bus ride. This is clearly not an option for most people there were only 11 people on the bus....this was a large bus. As the bus left Edmonton and traveled north east there was no doubt that I was not in Southern Ontario anymore. In southern Ontario one never really is outside a town, city, etc. The places and people all run together along the 401 corridor - in Alberta not so much. To be honest we left Edmonton and they only thing that ran into each other were the forests and snow covered fields dotted occasionally with oil and gas rigs. You definitely know when one town (village) starts and ends although to be fair it isn’t all that bad knowing that city life is 300+ km’s away. I mean it’s not as if I have moved to the middle of nowhere – there are amenities’ here, grocery stores, drug stores, Wallyworld (which by the way appears to be a selling point in small communities – for me it is not!), there may not be fancy boutiques here but I am pretty sure small town life will be ok and a nice change of pace. 

Moving Part Uno

“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” Rodney Dangerfield

If you are my friend then you know that I have spent most of my adult life moving...mainly from one job to the next. I don't regret all the great places I have seen or some of the amazing places I have lived mainly because each place has yielded new friends and good memories. However, I recently accepted a position that is permanent and so began what I hope is the last move for me...at least for a while. 

Moving always seems exciting a new adventure...until you remember all that comes with moving. Giving notice to landlords, changing addresses on everything from bank accounts to random magazines, cancelling utilities, internet etc. It always seems like we forget some detail(s). Of course for me the part I dislike the most is the packing, mainly because I have a tendency to shall we say hoard things and stuff and then it just makes the packing and  process seem to go on forever. It seems like there is this point during packing when you get so tired of it all you just want to start throwing things in random boxes....ok truth be told that is what usually happens.

This time I was lucky to have packers and movers. This I thought was the perfect way to move. People come into your place they pack everything, they load it up and then you see it at the other end after it has been moved into place and unpacked.  It sounds great doesn't it? This is what I thought too but in reality what I discovered about this move is that after years of packing, moving, and unpacking things myself  I was not quite so okay with having other people pack my things physically moving them no problemo.  

What I discovered about this move is that I am somewhat of a control freak regarding my stuff. This was this first move where I didn't pack and move all my stuff and things myself...this included my truck...thankfully I have pretty great friends that helped me out, helped to keep my stress level manageable and wished me well. Moving is always bitter sweet because although its exciting to go somewhere new and have new adventures its always sad to leave the people you care about behind knowing that it may be quite sometime before you see them again. However, this is when I am thankful for email, texting and facebook...can't get rid of me that easy peeps! : )