Friendship

Friendship is mutually cooperative and supportive behaviour/behavior (Canadian/American spelling) between two or more people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, affection, and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis (Courtesy of Wikipedia).

I have to admit that I was and am still a fan of Sex and the City (yes I own the dvd’s and watch them still).  Men I know you may be cringing but here’s why I love this show. I love this show because I think we all see part of ourselves and our friends in the characters. This isn’t just limited to the female characters. There were plenty of long term male characters as well.  Maybe we all have a Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, Samantha, Mr. Big, inside of us.  Maybe our own friends are a mixture of these fictional characters.  I think people enjoyed the show because while it doesn’t portray reality for many of us my life certainly doesn’t include exciting nightclub grand openings, fashion week and rich and famous life styles. The life experiences and explorations of the characters and friendships are relatable and what made the show; they make us laugh, cry and think.  Throughout the show the underlying message to me was the friendships.  The characters remain true friends though they do not always agree with each other or each other’s life choices and many a time one of them had to ask and answer themselves tough questions when disagreeing with a friend’s life choice or opinion. I know that some of the episodes seemed way out there but were they really? 

We have all judged ourselves and our friends harshly... and realized we were wrong about both.  I feel very fortunate to have amazing friends, men and women, in my life.  In the immortal words of John Lennon “I get by with a little help from my friends”.  Yes cheesy as it may be I often wonder how many personal crises I would have survived without my own friends. Some of these only reached crisis level because I made them...in my head.  I think a lot of us take our friendships for granted not on purpose but just because that’s part of life.

I never really stopped to think about how many or how important my friends and friendships were until I started to spend time in remote field camps in various locals. Contact with the outside world was rather limited. Delivery of mail was often restricted due to physical location from once a week to once a month and phone calls out were pretty much the same and could be costly. I however consider my friends to be amazing because I got tons of mail always that included packages of good eats, my favourite things, funny activities and most importantly news of the outside world. Really what I cared about wasn’t the food though greatly appreciated but news about what was happening in my friends’ lives day to day.  I know it may seem boring to write about our lives to our friends because we think does anyone really care about my day or weekend it wasn’t exciting – the answer is YES. What I learned about living far from home without email, phone and reliable mail delivery was I missed hearing about my friends lives not me telling them about mine. I also learned no matter where I was – (i.e.  the middle of nowhere) my friends still thought about me and I about them enough for both of us to make an effort to stay in touch the old fashioned way...paper! and most importantly they are there for me just like I am for them. 

Someone recently told me that they don’t think anyone can have more than 5 really good friends. Five friends who would be there for you if and when you really need them; I both agree and disagree. I agree that most people don’t have 200 close friends (e.g. Facebook) but I know that I have more than 5 friends that in a crisis I can count on and they can count on me - if this isn’t true please friends don’t shatter my fantasy : )

Over the years I have learned that friends are the people you can call anytime, day or night happy or sad and they will be there for you, offering support, in many cases making you laugh and seeing the reality of your situation and even telling you your being an ass. Whatever it may be friends are the reality check we all need they make you feel warm and fuzzy and check your craziness at the door for a realistic sanity. Friends let you spout off personal opinions especially the uncensored ones...and they still like you. I know shocking but incredibly important.  I am often surprised that I have managed to maintain friends over the years despite my fierce opinions and inability to censor my thoughts and speech.  I would like to think that I have given as much to my friends as my friends have given me but it may be not even steven with friends winning.  I consider my friends my family. I want to hear from them good or bad, I want to know how their jobs are, how the renovations are going, did the garden do well this summer and to see their kids growing up. In fact my fridge contains pictures of my kids and families (keep these coming). I know I am not always the best at calling, visiting, sending emails or letters but that when I do time seems to have stood still and our friendship is as strong as ever despite whatever has changed in our lives, living location and/or situation, marriage, kids, breakups, breakdowns, career advancement and unemployment. 

My Mum once told me “you’re stuck with family, but you can choose your friends” this is so true at least for me. Family (parents, siblings and children) like you, love each other no matter what, it’s in our DNA or something. No matter how much a family member(s) piss you off or frustrate you, you still have some connection to them. Friends aren’t like that. Friends don’t have to even care about you, they choose to care and they do despite being different, older or younger, having their own opinions, experiences and knowing your deepest darkest and most embarrassing secrets.  Of course we know theirs too but I think friends ignore blackmail material... I hope mine do. 

I don’t know if we chose our friends or if they choose us.  I just know that without friends my life would be boring, unfulfilling and empty.  I mean who can look at you in a certain way? Your friend because they know what you are thinking without exchanging words...and they don’t care that you are laughing in public because they are too. Life is hard enough and trying to figure it out alone would be pretty unbearable don’t you think?  I for one am incredibly grateful to and for all my friends. Friends and friendships are one of the things that make life worth living. I leave you with a cheesy (and nerdy) but I think highly applicable quote at least to my life.

“The quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little and it will fail. But hope remains, if friends stay true.” J.R. Tolken Lord of the Rings